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Fighting Your Fear of Meeting Girls
“How do I fight myself and come up to the
girl I like? There seem to be no alternatives…” – sounds hopeless?
Here we dare to offer you three
different variants by experienced pick-uppers. But you should also bear it in mind
that there’s never three variants of doing something… there’s always much more!
And you are free to explore it yourself and write us about it!
Al: Try it again and
again! The 5th-10th-20th time you will surely
be a success!
Let me draw an analogy. I remember in 1993
I was a commercial agent. At the very start I thought like this:
Here I come, distracting people from their work, talking to
them clumsily: “Would you like…? No? You ain’t got any money? Well, sorry then,
bye…” And then I thought: Alex and Mike are selling the goods right and left. I
don’t think I’ll ever be able to do it. I felt really awkward and confused. I
was choosing only the organizations where there was no need in searching for
something or somebody.
When I finally had been sent off for the 10th
or 15th time on end I was dragging myself along the street with a
huge case full of templates, recollecting in my memory all the nuances of
filling in the invoices and all other stuff and nonsense. Full of disillusions
about my selling skills I resorted to various self-deception tricks – so if I
was told to wait until the boss returns I would sit and wait silently instead
of coming back at the appointed time; I “reckoned” my working day to end up at
5pm although a great deal of firms were still open till 7pm. Looking at the
signboards I was thinking gloomily: no one would buy anything at the grocery
store... and I walked on.
Then I would stay at home by the telephone and ring the
companies round. Ultimately, I analyzed my behavior and realized that I was
playing hide-and-seek with myself. I stopped feeling sorry for my persona and
though the strategy of the TALK wasn’t changed in principle, at the expense of
not wasting a minute I managed to make the round of three times more companies
than I did before. The first day of my new tactics I was a success and stroke
six bargains, two of which were really big. At this moment I realized that I
can work well.
In just two months I thought like this:
…I’m making it convenient for people: I’m telling them
about the electric appliances and stationary we are selling and demonstrate the
templates. If they want something – no problem, I fill in the invoice and after
they pay the bill I bring the order at their table: I show it to them, explain
how it works and give advice. I was no longer the shy guy I used to be and I
gradually became impudent: don’t you need our calculators? But you haven’t seen
them yet (opening the case and demonstrating)! See how convenient it is to
carry it in your purse! For a big organization: it’s got 16 classes, you won’t
have any problem with it! And so on and so forth. Managing director not there? What
about the deputy director? And a chief-accountant? When’s he coming back? What’s
his name? His telephone number? No money anyway? What about cash? – look what
wonderful domestic appliances he could buy for himself or his children! His
birthday is coming? – excellent! We got coffee-machines, vacuum-cleaners here! A
hefty chap at the reception? – I call the boss and convince him to meet up with
me. I scolded directors for being late, I demanded the invoices from the
accountants by fax (which was important for me because I’d get my salary sooner
in that case)… and so on.
Can you see the difference? Of course, you will feel doomed
to lose until your first happy ending. You will have to ignore this feeling and
just keep on trying and trying. According to the Probability theory with the
help of this artless strategy you will finally come across the girl who
wouldn’t mind to make a closer acquaintance with you. Further on – it’s just a
matter of time and experience.
Val: What I can say to those who are
interested in such things is – all stamps and behavior models work only on one
condition. You need to be a self-confident person. You got to be in a certain
relaxed state of mind without a shade of strain! You have to look and feel like
a self-certain man.
I would like to dwell upon a few aspects on how to achieve
1. There exists a very good method, if my memory doesn’t
fail me, it was devised by the good-old Lenin (God bless him). The method
consists in the utter necessity to get acquainted with all the girls in the
street. I understand, it’s real hard but at least try to come up to the girls
you like the best. The first five times will seem pretty complicated – the next
hundred will come naturally.
2. For some guys it’s just close to impossible to overcome
their fear. I’d advise them to start from their women acquaintances. At present
I’m in close relations with my female ex-class-mates and I have to admit that,
on the one hand, there seem to be no such thing we wouldn’t be able to discuss,
and on the other, it could be truly instructive to find out about the reason
for one of my failures from a woman’s point of view. Remember, talking to a
woman is always helpful in terms of your experience, no matter what kind
woman she is (even if she’s 59). We are different species!
3. Reading all helpful tips in the Internet and listening
to your friends’ clever advice you may get the impression that girls in the
streets must be completely spoilt by a great amount of such highly intellectual
guys coming up to them with their exquisite stamps every now and then. The
reality is far from it. It’s one to a fifty who can say or do something
remarkable! So keep it in mind, that the more natural and the more
extraordinary you are – the better it works!
4. And finally, if you want to win your own recognition:
choose a breath-taking girl and try to get acquainted with her. There’s no need
to mention that first of all you should work out your strategy. Talk little,
otherwise a stammering young man will be a sorry sight. In future, even if your
first attempt is not successful, pick-up process will prove to be much easier.
Here’s the question: coming up to her in
the street/metro is somewhat confusing (what if she has a boyfriend or just
refuses to talk) – is this a complex? If so, how do I get rid of it?
A boyfriend? To
get rid of it you just have to come up and talk to her. What confuses you
most? A possibility to be sent off? Then let
your first goal be just talking to her, paying her a compliment and not
pick-upping – getting her telephone number for an object. Do it 20-30 times and
your fear will vanish without a trace! Then your object can be changed for a
more complicated one.
If this first variant is a problem you should start from
your female acquaintances/colleagues/old friends and so on – “My God, you look
divine in this dress! I wonder how I haven’t noticed such a beautiful woman
before!” Try to get your female friend talking sincerely about the problem of
getting acquainted: firstly, you will overcome your shyness of starting an
intimate talk; secondly, you can be given good advice! When communicating with
your female colleagues will be as natural for you as with your mama it’s time
to pass on to the next level – the “Hi! How are you?” superficial
acquaintances. The third in the row are complete strangers. The fourth are
stunningly beautiful. Next are those walking with their Moms and Dads, sisters
and friends. Then you try your luck with the girls walking with their
boyfriends or husbands. Don’t behave as if you are starting a fight – a sincere
compliment will please both the girl and her companion. The seventh level is
pick-upping in an unsuitable place with a lot of spectators (overcrowded bus, concert).
The eighth… tenth and so on… the “stages of your big journey” can be defined by
yourself in order to fight your own complexes. The main thing is that you have
to do it gradually without fuss and hurry.
What’s the best place to do it?
Every place where you find girls.