Writing a letter to the girl from Dating site.

Some of you probably tried your luck in finding a woman in the Internet Dating resources. Somebody did find: perhaps, not quite what they were searching for. Some were so lucky as to be replied tenderly “Oh, f## off you jerk!” or “Man, I’m so damn tired of you, guys!” But the really LUCKY were those who managed to let her do you a great favor to pay her bill in a luxurious restaurant. Tough, isn’t it? But what about a mad passion blazing up after your eyes meet at your first date; how about astounding sex exciting even your neighbors and 8 year old kids in the middle of the night? Nothing of the kind! Why? Well, maybe it’s because you still don’t have a clear idea WHY women publish their ads in the Internet Dating sites and what at all you need to write her about. Let’s begin. Why don’t we start from what you SHOULDN’T do? So then, here’s an investigation.

Investigation, part I – preparation.

Preparation: On May 9, 2002 three false profiles were placed at dating site. Real model-girls’ photos were taken as a basis from the model’s project. Three normal email accounts were registered for those virtual beauties. The first few letters were received in 10 (!!!) minutes after registration. All in all I examined and analyzed more than 450 letters from men craving for making an acquaintance through the Internet.

Investigation, part II – analytics.

Without taking into the account about 30 scam letters from various massage salons, model and escort-agencies, I looked through quite a number of letters. Afterwards I meditated on the question “What’s the hell?” and on the amount of absolute crap. If I had been a woman I would have never replied to you, guys! I give you my word. Such a gene-fund should be killed in the bud. Only a daily dose of 10 strong pills for your brain during the next two years could do you good, and a thoughtful smoking of this site together with all its banners. In general I liked only 1 (ONE) letter. All the rest is written below:

Meestaiks

The biggest, the chief and the dumbest mistake of the 99.9% of all men (students and pensioners) consisted in the most banal thing. Namely, they were transferring the real life traditions into the web world. In short, the “CHOOSE ME” inscription runs all through their letters in bold type 72 print. Examples: 

Hi! My name is (Name). I’m 31 y.o. I’m fun loving, sociable but somehow still alone. Not quite alone, I got good friends but still I need something more. I work for an Aviation company which lets some of my dreams come true. I suggest that we meet.

I’m 27, never married, never been instituted criminal proceeding against, never took part. Generally I’m a fun loving person, kind, gentle and terribly cheerful. Write for more details.

Here, I decided to write you. I really don’t know what to say. About myself: I’m 20. I study at the University. I tried quite a lot of things and occupations (the only thing I have never tried is smoking; but I’m not willing to start. Although it’s sometimes confusing – when everybody’s standing and smoking and you are the only who isn’t. Joke.) I got lots of interests; some of them change from time to time.

Me: age 36, height 187, physically attractive, a 100% financially secure, up to my ears in work however I like to have fun. This is brief, I hate monologues.

Hi there, I saw your ad and I liked it. I would really like to meet you. My name is (name), not married, no children, age 26, height 193, don’t smoke. I live in Moscow in (region) together with my parents and brother. I’m a University graduate. I study accounting and English at present. I prefer rock music.

Ridiculous! I assure you, such letters make up an overwhelming majority. Just like a good joke runs “you should stand out for your HEAD, your HEAD, man!” By the way, some men realize that and prefer to stand out. Let’s see.

Fingers.

We all know that a jerking off programmer in the 9^th generation with the total weight of 35 kilos and a height of 151 sm would never get himself a supermodel. Unless he is a Microsoft owner or has another finger social status (Note: fingers in this article are supposed to unite all kinds of social, financial and other pyramids). What do our men do? Oh, our men are inventive! 300 Kb photos are being sent where you have to look for the guy with help of a magnifier but then you can see a cool car, a motorcycle, a 10 kilo fish, a Paris cathedral of some mother, etc., etc., etc. The hidden goal of such a photo masterpiece is to raise the status of its original. The obvious aim is to show himself. By the way, such photos are also in the majority.

We have gone through all more or less standard variants, here comes laughing through tears. What else do the inventors pamper beautiful girls with? Oh, man, what does sperm-toxicosis not prompt to the pale youths with burning gazes! Let’s go:

Sudden attack!

The meaning comes to the meta-message: “I don’t feel like writing anything really, you can, like, call me if you want a good bang!” On the whole it looks like a letter of 1-3 lines with a short enumeration of the guy’s name and phone number. Examples:

I (name) 27 y.o. 184-75, not a pervert, physically attractive, telephone number (****), waiting...

Hi there! Name’s (name). Not too tall, about 170 sm. A cool guy, an interesting person. If you are interested you are free to reply.

What’s up, Maria! Let’s make friends J. I hate all those questionnaire pineappleness and orangeness and other banal stuff so if you write back you’ll find out more about me.

I’m 24 y.o. I work in sugar business. No financial problems. The circle of my interests is wide. I live alone.

My name is (name). If you feel like writing back, drop me a line. J))

Brevity is a sister of talent but only when it aspires to one instead of zero. Those who studied some higher maths and “Logarithm” subject will understand me. I’m eager to say to all the rest that such letters are deleted. At once. Quickly. The answer to this type of letter is possible if a really fingerly photo (which is often absent) is attached and only on condition of utmost boredom caused by the lack of other candidates. Is the hint clear?

Humor!

The writers of this sort try to make up something funny. Thanks, dudes, I got an excellent collection of stale humor for the high school studs. Examples? Stuff such examples! I respect the site. The most decent was mentioned in the previous paragraph, the thirst from the top (or from the bottom).

MystiFICation.

Some authors try to make an impression with their intellectuality, mystification, long monologues and other poetry. Yes, this method does exist and has a right to exist. I approve of it in a way and I think that it’s a good method with one single stipulation: you have to hit the point otherwise all your work will come to nothing. To impress a woman with a poem you have to know what kind of person she is. The profile questionnaire level won’t do. Later, guys, later! If you send a scrupulously selected poem but it just isn’t to the point your efforts will die unnoticed.   

Certain. I think so...?

The most disgusting thing is a diffident guy. This is total crap, man. Women love to be guided no matter what bitches they might seem to us. Women love dominant men who know their own worth. Even if they worth nothing. I spend half of the course trying to form positive thinking in my students, especially if it concerns the course on opposite sex communication. Examples:

I read your profile and decided to give it a try and, well, get to know you better.

I would like to apologize at once as I’m not sure if you are up to a new acquaintance now. However, I will try my luck and then you are to decide if you want it or not. I’d really like to meet a person who’d understand me and whom I would understand too.

I don’t know where this meeting leads us to. It’s virtual yet but it seems to me that there’s hope. So I made up my mind to write this. I mean, I really wish that my letter wouldn’t get drowned in the heaps of the other letters.

But I’m not really sure if this Internet dating stuff works at all?! I have probably made the wrong start.

I saw you on the dating site. You are beautiful. I don’t want to imagine that you already have a boyfriend who must be crazy about you.

A resume: “Shit knows why I’m writing this and what I want from you but maybe I’ll get the breaks, huh? Pleeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaasssse!”

Trash.

By the way, such letters are really amusing. In this kind of literary objects the author (who is at the same time the main character) would describe in glowing terms within 2-3 screen spaces the whole story of his life and besides, he would tell you where, with whom, how often and why he lives. The epic ends up with the narrative about his job and a few banal things like “you are beautiful”. Guys, easy! What the hell do you want? Write about it.

Sudden attack meant to shock!

There’s another type of men “working” according to sudden attack method! The essence of their offers comes to conception that they are very non-typical people for our society and culture. By the way, this variant possesses certain chances for success in the first phase of acquaintance – you will get a reply. Further process requires quite a different level of pick-upping than you could have used. So... using your ace in the first stage is an unnecessary squandering. Later. After the correspondence sets in and you impress the girl finish her off with that! At once. Example:

What do you think of massage? Not just a massage but a feet massage? What if I make it with my tongue? I can just come to your place, do it quickly and leave at once. Imagine: a guy comes by, licks and gets lost… how about before your work? J

Some other offers started from innocent cunnilingus and ended up with golden rain. Perhaps, you will be the lucky one.

I’m fucking shocked…

…A letter from a seven year old girl. Fantastic! A few more things that kept me shocked for minimum half an hour. How do you like the idea of sending another girl’s photo? And I will not speak of the guys sending letters by way of “copy pasta” – a copy to each girl. If you are too lazy to use your head the girl will be get laid by another. One guy even made a FORWARD of the letter which had been sent to some other girl. He could have changed the name at least! There definitely were other cases, like, for instance, some turkey guy who had sent a letter translated through machine translator – that was a good laugh. Ok, enough of it. Let’s make a summary of what should be done only by scout boys but not by successful pick-uppers! Here is once again the list of most common mistakes:

- Orthographical and punctuation mistakes. They are a real piss off. 

- Too short (impersonal enumerative) letter.

- Too detailed letter with a lot of junk stuff.

- Self-confidence based on one’s financial position.

- Dumb humor.

- Diffidence and doubts in one’s abilities.

- Lack of purpose for making an acquaintance.

Ok, that’s enough. Let’s set about the yummy stuff – it is how you should make an acquaintance with the girl. If you got me right 99% of the web male population is either impassibly stupid or they just don’t know the women to the degree a real man should know them. By the way, here’s the letter I told you about, the one which deserves the first place in the letters rating:

Long had I to peer into the depth of your eyes to find the answer how such softness and kindheartedness are being combined with the demand of loyalty from people in one woman – but I failed to find it out. I’d wish not to give a damn about the connection of the notorious loyalty with power and just appease myself with an interpretation of a partner’s reliability. Don’t I like commanding women? I’m not talking about it. Am I afraid of such women? Well, I don’t know, but in any case adrenaline floods my body stirring every cell of it. But it can also happen when a woman is stunningly beautiful. Until she utters her first word. But even if after her first word magic doesn’t seem to fade away there’s no place for further cautions about her commanding ways or beauty, there’s only tachycardia of your deep emotional storms. No, of course, not! She loves cats and loyalty is dogs’ disease. The essence, the basis, the sense is in reliability. Irena, I agree to it that it would be extremely naïve and foolish to say it after just having seen your photo that I like you. Especially, together with two of your higher educations. Let it be the mystics you give yourself up to in literature and cinema.

It’s very good, especially, its final part. But let’s go down to my recommendations:

1. Write about where you from.

It’s banal but necessary. Tell her in one line where you have found her profile.

2. No compliments.

Just because you can do it in person. She receives those 50 per day into her email box.

3. Why are you writing her?

Point out the aim of your letter in a hidden or evident way.

4. Write for her.

Collect all available information and write a letter based on it. Thus you will make up a very individual letter with a striking accuracy.

5. Share her values.

Show it in your letter that all the things that she values so much are also very important for you. These are being defined at stage 4.

6. A photo – later on.

Web etiquette, man! I’m really pleased to receive megabyte avi. files (!!!) but I won’t be sending my photo to each and every one who writes me. Only if I’m being asked to. Besides, this will be just another reason for her to reply. One more important rule for the photos – there should be only you and a neutral background. That’s it.

7. Make her talk.

Too often the answer to a long letter consists in just one phrase. Make her talk.

Complicated? Not at all. Examples:

(letter 1)

I came across your profile at mheart.ru

Something inside of me asked me to write you and I agreed. Frankly speaking, such impulses don’t call on me very often and I think it’s good that they still remain.

A few words about me: Student, 23 y.o., Leo, fond of life and perfection. If you need more information and a photo(s) – I’ll send as many as you wish.

I got really interested by your mentioning the energy you are ready to share with. Is that somehow connected with certain knowledge (Reiki, Tsigun) or you just love other people. I’ll be looking forward to your reply.

(letter 2, the strategy of joining on the identification level)

I saw your profile at dating site.

I haven’t yet decided why I’m writing this now and what my further expectations are but I trust my inner impulses. Perhaps, it means something to me. Did it ever happen to you that you do something quite spontaneously and then it turns out that this something changes your whole life forever?

I like you, (name), let me be frank with you. You got something that I value in a woman – you are a Leo just like myself. I could have dwelled upon it forever but I believe we both know pretty well all our basic character features to leave all commonplaces to the others. As for supplementary qualities which make us what we are, we can always find out more about it by phone or other virtual means (ICQ, email).

Let me tell you more about me – I’m a male. 23 y.o., a working student, tall and you can call me big. I’m fond of sports and I achieved a lot of results in it. Though I am quite successful in all my aspirations I haven’t yet found my Woman who would understand and support me in all my beginnings.

I hope you’d share my feelings and ask me a few shooting questions. If you need photos – write me, I got enough to send to youJ. Have a nice day. Bye!

(reply) Wow, I’m impressed, Philip!!! Yeah, I’d really like to see your photos...  Although I won’t be asking any “shooting questions” yet, but I surely will as soon as I see your photo. But I can tell you what – you got me... J

According to stats data – you get 3 phone numbers out of 3. I don’t remember the rest of it.

Think, guys! Maybe a new pick-uppers generation is coming?